Geppetto Falls Off the WagonAuthor(s): Matthew Nadelhaft
(Available in epub, mobi, and pdf)
Publication Date: April 15, 2012
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Genres: Erotica, Fairy Tale, Fantasy, Humor
Tags: Geppetto, het, m/f, Pinnochio, Short Story, Wicked Fairy Tales
According to Sleazy, whose foul mouth and vivid imagination had gotten him banned from all the storybooks, Snow White could take all eight dwarves in a night and still have enough energy for three rounds behind closed doors with a Rampant Rabbit. But Sleazy had been known to lie almost as much as Pinocchio; according to the woodsman, Snow White never touched those dwarves. The one thing Geppetto knew for sure was that she gave Pinocchio’s face regular and thorough workouts.
Aw fuck it, Geppetto thought. He knew the score: he was jealous. The last time he’d lubed his crankshaft, Rapunzel had been wearing a bob. And look at her now: Geppetto couldn’t help remembering the time he’d been working on the fence in the front yard and glanced in the window to spy her mounting Pinocchio. Her blond hair had cascaded over the two of them like a shifting blanket and her completely shaved snatch gleamed with dew. It was almost more than he could bear to think about. Just listening to the wooden brat reaming his way through the Fairyland phone book was the closest Geppetto’d come to a sex life in decades.
An anthology of bedtime stories for adults!
Just what kind of happy goes into “happily ever after?” As children, it was enough that Pinocchio got to be a real boy and that Red wasn’t eaten by the wolf. As adults, we have a slightly different perspective. Being a real boy means having boy parts, and being eaten by someone big and bad doesn’t mean quite the same thing it once did.
Ever wonder what mermaids do with the swimmers they seduce? Or why a dragon might prefer a castle-guarded princess to a nice, easy field of sheep? What if your fairy godmother wasn’t circumspect in what wishes could be granted, or if that dainty little fairy had a much bigger appetite than one might guess?