by Lynn Kelling
As he approaches his twenty-second birthday, the three-year anniversary of the brutal attack in an alley that nearly cost him his life in a few different ways, Jaye Larson thinks he’s left behind the ghosts from his years spent incarcerated, but when he’s delivered a mysterious letter with terrifying implications, old monsters rear their ugly heads. His normal new life in remote Zus, Alaska, with his lover, Dixon Rowe, the heart of a found-family that supports Jaye in ways he’s never before dreamed possible, is threatened by old deals and ties he begins to fear may never be broken. While old alliances strive to draw Jaye backward, Dixon and the rest of their family are called to step up to keep him steady. When the letter turns out to be just the first clue in a chain leading both Jaye and Dixon back inside the walls of the Federal Corrections Institute of Sheridan, Oregon, all of them are left facing carefully-held secrets and terrible new truths that refuse to be ignored. (M/M)
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Chapter 15: Old Times
Jaye was on his knees on the bed, with Dixon on all fours in front of him. They were naked and Jaye was balls deep in Dixon’s ass, which was flushed pink with slight welts from being repeatedly slapped by Jaye’s hand. Jaye hadn’t started to fuck him yet. The perfect, snug heat of him, gripping Jaye’s aching erection, and the way his posture cried out for more of anything Jaye wanted to give, was invigorating. It made it seem like Jaye could do anything, like all power in the situation was his to take. Dixon arched his back and clenched briefly on Jaye’s cock, so Jaye slapped him again. Hard.
The clenching stopped and goosebumps pebbled Dixon’s skin. Jaye felt his subtle shiver through their connected bodies. He glimpsed Dixon’s duty belt over on his dresser and he felt again the pleasure of having an officer of the law get naked, offer up his ass and beg for Jaye to fuck him hard and slow. For someone with Jaye’s history, there really was nothing better. It was a more exquisite opiate than he could have concocted in his wildest imaginings.
And it wasn’t just that Dixon was a cop. His body was strong, thick with muscle. His shoulders were broad, his legs toned, glutes firm, arms bulging. Physically, he far outmatched Jaye in any and every sense. In a wrestling match between them, Jaye’s only hope would be in playing the crazy wild card and breaking some rules to win.
Jaye traced the raised welts on Dixon’s ass with his hand, feeling heat bake from the tender flesh. Then he let his fingers quest over to Dixon’s rim, stretched out around Jaye’s shaft. Rubbing it lightly, feeling the slick of lube there, Jaye heard Dixon’s breath catch. Lowering his head, Dixon surrendered to the intimate touch. He stayed loose, open, so Jaye pulled back, letting his cock withdraw until the head caught on that stretched rim. He pushed back in, all the way, and heard Dixon’s grateful moan of pure bliss. There was no pain in it. No fear or anxiety. He only, purely, wanted. He had given himself over, with trust and reverence.
Jaye spanked him again, watching Dixon’s ass jiggle with the impact, feeling Dixon’s inner muscles tighten in reflex while he withdrew again, causing the friction to intensify in the best kind of way.
Rubbing over Dixon’s inner thigh, then rolling his balls in a hand, Jaye heard him give a yearning sigh, pushing back greedily into the next thrust. When Jaye’s fingers found Dixon’s cock, it was soaking wet from being so damned hot for it. It throbbed in Jaye’s grip. He watched Dixon muffle a hard groan in a pillow while he fought to be still and obey Jaye’s previous requests to not do a damned thing without permission.
“Do you even know what this does for me?” Jaye wondered aloud. “I mean really. Do you?”
He traced Dixon’s dripping crown with the pad of his fingertip and heard him swallow a whine. His hips stuttered slightly as he fought to be still and take it without trying for more.
He wasn’t sure that Dixon could answer, he was so far gone into a place where words had no meaning, and only physical reality had any power. Jaye was well familiar with it himself.
He let go. He pulled out. Dixon’s ass expelled his lube-slick, reddened shaft. It sprung up between Jaye’s legs as he shifted back for a good look at his prize. Dixon shivered and kept his head bowed, shoulders down, ass up and spread wide. He didn’t clench, his hole stretched looser and shining with wetness.
“Please,” Dixon begged. He shifted his legs even wider and sat back to spread his ass more in invitation. “Please.”
Jaye thought of Kris, who had been more than content with blowjobs and hand relief. He thought of Cash, and Dorrance, and every other guy in Sheridan who’d gotten incredibly familiar with the inside of Jaye’s ass while keeping him in his place, keeping him tamed and using him purely as the whore he’d been, through and through. Not one of them had given him anything close to what Dixon had. None of them had been strong enough to be weak.
“My first,” Jaye said with awe, slipping his thumb into Dixon’s opening, pushing it as far as it would go, then pivoting his wrist to feather his fingers over Dixon’s sac.
Dixon let out a gruff moan.
“No wonder my offers in Sheridan had such appeal and value. There really is nothing better than this. Keep your drugs, your cigarettes, your booze — all of it. Doesn’t compare.” He rubbed the insane softness that was the inside of Dixon’s sphincter, liking the way his hole puckered around the thumb, liking the sight of such a strong cop, and a smart, good man with an incredible heart, desperate to be taken and tamed only by Jaye.
Quickly, Jaye replaced thumb with cock, driving hard into Dixon, causing him to grunt and tense up. Holding him by the hip, Jaye pounded him, knocking the breath from Dixon’s lungs. Dixon reached for the headboard to brace himself as the force of Jaye’s thrusts knocked him repeatedly forward. He didn’t hold anything back and grit his teeth together as he poured all of his emotion and energy into fucking Dixon dizzy.
He didn’t stop until he came, a wash of tingling and euphoria crashing through him as he did. Gasping, Jaye came down, riding out the aftershocks more slowly.
Dixon was growling, panting. It woke up some deep-seated animal instincts in Jaye. Ones he hadn’t known he possessed until Dixon found them.
He pulled out, his cock softening, and picked up the huge phallus waiting and ready by his side. Spreading Dixon’s hole with the fingers of his left hand, Jaye fit the massive silicone head at Dixon’s hole and slowly fed it through, being careful with the stretch to prevent tears. A glance up showed Dixon grabbing at the hair on the back of his head. His panting had gained an edge, his pitch climbing. The head passed through and Dixon’s ass began to swallow the rest, taking it in with little effort on Jaye’s part to hurry it inside. Bracing his palm back near the fake nuts, he guided the phallus along and kept Dixon’s hole pried open with his left hand.
Dixon struggled to take it and his cries said as much. The toy was much bigger than Jaye in both circumference and length, and he didn’t stop pushing until Dixon had taken the whole thing, every inch. When the plastic sac was resting flush against Dixon’s body, Jaye heard how hard he was breathing, saw him tremble, smelled the sweat on his skin and the sex in the air around them.
“Relax. I’m not starting until you do. I know you can.”
“Keep — keep talking,” Dixon stammered breathlessly. “H-helps.”
Maybe, for Dixon, it had become too easy to imagine it was Marcus back there instead of Jaye. Jaye knew what a nightmare that would be, if the tables were turned, so he complied.
“Okay. I was just thinking how no one else I’ve been with has been man enough to submit to me like this — submit to anyone, actually. I think it takes an impressive kind of man to own himself, his body, his pleasure, and his sexuality, to this extent. To be capable, intimidating, and powerful in every other facet of life, but to let himself be this vulnerable in bed. No one else ever let me fuck them, period, let alone let me have them like this. So I never realized how much I loved it, until I had you, Dix.”
It had helped. He could tell. Dixon’s body had unclenched completely. He was lax, hugging the pillow under his head and chest, staying open for when Jaye decided Dixon was ready for the huge phallus to begin moving.
When Jaye did begin to move the toy, slowly withdrawing it. He heard Dixon’s happy sigh and saw Dixon’s cock jump.
“You want to take care of me, Dix? Help me feel strong? Like I can take care of myself, and you, and everything else I need to, no problem? Make me feel like I don’t have a care in the world? That the past and future don’t matter one bit?” He pushed the toy back into Dixon, drawing a shuddering moan, and kept it moving, pumping in and out of him. “This is all I need. Just this. Do you understand why? Can you? I’ve had a lot of scary guys intimidate me into giving up my body to them. They made me cry, made me bleed, tore me up emotionally, psychologically, and physically. But none of them could do what I can do. None of them can make a real man beg like I can.”
Dixon was taking the ride, oh-so-subtly pushing into each thrust, pulling forward to hurry the withdrawal. When Jaye lightly stroked Dixon’s still-dripping cock, so hard it jutted up tight to his pelvis, Dixon let out a desperate cry.
“Oh please… please don’t stop… please more… Jaye…”
Jaye smiled and rolled onto his back, sliding up between Dixon’s widely spread legs. Once he was lying there, beneath Dixon’s pelvis, Jaye began to fuck him harder with the huge phallus, slamming it into him. At the same time, he gave Dixon’s delicious cock a long lick. Dixon cried out and reached to weave his fingers through Jaye’s hair. Jaye felt him playing with it as he swallowed Dixon’s down, humming with triumph, savoring the taste of pre-come as it coated his tongue. He relaxed his throat and swallowed, feeling Dixon convulse, his breath choking off. Jaye felt come flood his throat and took it right down too. He kept the phallus moving constantly, taking Dixon over the edge. Dixon never stopped shouting, never stopped touching Jaye’s hair.
Jaye let him roll over onto his side as his legs quivered with exhaustion. He also let Dixon manhandle him, easily, up into his arms, burying his face against the side of Jaye’s neck, winding his arms around Jaye’s back and hooking his legs behind Jaye’s body. Engulfed, Jaye held his love and knew he had the answer to everything — to Cash, Tony, Sheridan, Burt, Earl, Anchorage, Cora and all of it — right in his arms.
“Thank you, Dixon,” Jaye whispered. Dixon sought his lips and kissed them. He didn’t dare let go, not for a moment.
“I’m so lucky I get to love you,” Dixon told him, “and have you love me back. Whatever you need, you can have it, okay?”
“Okay,” Jaye grinned.
“But what I need right now is a nap,” Dixon chuckled.
A hush blanketed both of them, broken only by the wind screaming outside of the tiny cabin.
Jaye thought of his call with Sesi, and the growing certainty in his gut that he would go to Sheridan even if Cash didn’t pay their way. He’d go for Tony, and his own need to see that part of his life was in the past, and wasn’t going to follow him any longer. He thought of the way he’d needed to walk and be alone the day the letter came, and how part of him still had that impulse — to leave everything in Zus behind and go hide even deeper in the world, somehow, to cut all ties and just escape the threads that led to Ecker, the Disciples, and all of his ghosts. He thought of the hell he’d lived in, not so long ago, and how eager it must be to have him back one way or other. He thought of a federal prison full of men who saw him as a thug whore, and of bringing Dixon willingly into that world. He thought of Dixon finding out every single thing Jaye had done while in Sheridan, all of the gory details. He thought of bashing his head on concrete just to try to make it all stop, and of taking meds to silence his own mind until he was a drooling mess. He thought of all of the times he’d pretended to fight back and washed away real tears in the shower’s spray. He thought of…
Piggy, piggy, piggy… time to play. Say thank you.
Chained in an unused room with all the lights out and his pants around his ankles, the repeated blows to his head making it ring and ache, the hard thwacks to his testicles making his stomach cramp sickeningly, his insides burning with dry friction and sharp pain as the nightstick kept raping him, and not fighting back at all, but only saying, ‘yes sir’ and ‘thank you, sir’ so they wouldn’t add onto his sentence and ruin his one chance at escape.
Gonna pull your guts out. Make you watch.
A brutal man’s finger pushed through a slash in his side, hooked around a loop of his intestines, one fraction of a second away from yanking them out, hand over hand, until they were spilled around him in a bloody pile and no way to ever shove them back inside.
You got this coming, faggot. Tell Cash, he steals from us, we steal from him.
Raped bloody in a bathroom stall, pulled up by his hair, beaten unconscious and left on the tile with the piss stains.
Carving out a man’s eyes with a plastic spoon. Watching one of them pop and ooze down the bloody side of a face twisted in pure agony.
“Hey. Hey, you’re shaking. Jaye? Jaye, look at me.”
“No. No, no, no…”
He huddled down, buried his face against Dixon’s shoulder, shaking his head. Fingers twisted down his throat, up his ass, into his guts.
Gonna snitch you out, Johnny. Gonna tell. Come on back inside with us. You’ll never, ever leave. We’ll sink our hooks into you, pull you apart, piece by bloody piece. It’ll take a long, long time…
Jaye retched. He scrambled out of Dixon’s hold and ran for the bathroom. He slammed and locked the door shut behind him. He got to the basin, crumpling to his knees just as his dinner came rushing up for a second visit.
Just like old times.
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