by Lynn Kelling
As he approaches his twenty-second birthday, the three-year anniversary of the brutal attack in an alley that nearly cost him his life in a few different ways, Jaye Larson thinks he’s left behind the ghosts from his years spent incarcerated, but when he’s delivered a mysterious letter with terrifying implications, old monsters rear their ugly heads. His normal new life in remote Zus, Alaska, with his lover, Dixon Rowe, the heart of a found-family that supports Jaye in ways he’s never before dreamed possible, is threatened by old deals and ties he begins to fear may never be broken. While old alliances strive to draw Jaye backward, Dixon and the rest of their family are called to step up to keep him steady. When the letter turns out to be just the first clue in a chain leading both Jaye and Dixon back inside the walls of the Federal Corrections Institute of Sheridan, Oregon, all of them are left facing carefully-held secrets and terrible new truths that refuse to be ignored. (M/M)
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Chapter 12: Giving What’s Wanted
Jaye explained to Dixon, with Sesi and Debbie overhearing the whole thing. He spoke in monotone, stating facts, giving a rundown of the history. He didn’t know how to explain why it was so horrible, and was sure his explanations didn’t touch the heart of the issue.
“So, wait,” Sesi said, once Jaye had stopped. “You’re telling us a gang had this Ecker guy murdered? Like a professional hit?”
“I have no idea who did it,” Jaye told her. It was the truth. He didn’t know who Cash had hired, but he was content to let her think it was the one of the black Sheridan gangs who’d done it, following Cash’s lead. One glance at Dixon’s face told Jaye he also had no misconceptions about what had really gone on.
“Tony was a friend of yours, then?” Debbie asked with an apologetic expression.
Jaye dropped his gaze, unsure how to convey the truth.
Jinx wasn’t a friend, but for a while, he’d been family. Why did it upset him so much, knowing what they’d done to break him? He’d been one of the guys holding Jaye down during the gang bang porn shoot. He’d watched plenty of times while Cash gave it to Jaye hard and dirty, making it look like force, like rape. He hadn’t done a thing to stop any of that.
At the same time, he’d been there for everything with Tio. He’d had Jaye’s back in plenty of ways that counted. There was no blaming Jinx for being a witness to other people’s crimes, or even for following Cash’s orders and holding Jaye down to get taken from both ends by guards and brothers alike. It had all been survival. If Cash gave the orders, Jinx had to obey, the same as any of them.
But there was no escaping that small, private certainty that what had happened to Jinx after Jaye had left could have easily happened to him instead, had his sentence been a little longer. But no matter how he looked at it, Jinx’s fate was Jaye’s fault. He hadn’t been there to keep Ecker satisfied, so the sadist’s attentions had found the next best target.
And for all of his spirit, courage, and grit, Jinx hadn’t been able to cope.
Even without seeing Jinx, and just hearing from Cash the little he had, there was no question Jinx was a broken man. And it had done something to Cash’s mind, to see the youngest member of his crew taken apart physically and mentally, in ways that would probably never heal.
He tried to imagine the foresight needed to plan the hit the way they had, while everything had still been going down with Jinx, the desperation in the play. Cash had been thinking of the long game, even then. He knew he would need to send Jaye a message he couldn’t ignore, and he’d done it.
It had been effective.
Because here they were — the bulk of the Zus, Alaska law, waiting to hear Jaye’s decision. Waiting to help a thug they’d never met and never should have needed to.
It hadn’t hit Jaye before as hard as it did then. But he got it. He really did.
Jinx was family. Cash was family.
That didn’t go away.
The ties didn’t break.
Looking right at Dixon, Jaye said, “I need to see him. I need to see him for myself.”
“You’re talking about going to Oregon. Going back to Sheridan,” Dixon replied, like he wanted to make sure Jaye understood. Which pained Jaye to hear, because it just proved how Dixon didn’t really get it, and never would. All of the things Jaye had held back out of fear for Dixon’s remaining shreds of innocence and purity — those were the things that would always live deep down in Jaye. They were the dark. They were truth. He’d been through things with those men, his crew, that no one else would ever understand. If it had been him, instead of Jinx, they would have been there. No question. Jaye had to pay the same respects. It had nothing to do with what he wanted anymore. Now, it was duty.
“I won’t know how to help him until I see him for myself. I need to see how bad it is.”
“Jaye, we need to talk about this. Think about this,” Dixon urged.
“Dix. I get it. I appreciate that you want to protect me. I do. But this isn’t about me. Think about what I went through in there. I’m the only one who can help him. They’re trying to make sure he stays safe. In there, once you’re marked as that kind of a target, everyone knows. Everyone. I’m talking guards, rival gangs. Hell, without Jinx being under Cash’s personal control, guys within the Disciples might be going for him too. It’ll be the same on the outside. I’m sure Cash could ask someone in the Disciples to take him, but what then, huh? Tony becomes someone’s bitch in exchange for shelter and food? He’d kill himself, no question. Cash is trying to get Tony someplace safe. He’s trying to save his life. Who else can help him the way we can? Who else is gonna understand this? Or care?”
“Dixon, we’ve gotta help this Tony guy,” Sesi said, frowning.
“Jinx — Tony. He’s a good guy. He knew his place. Loyal. Strong. He was always…” Jaye blew out a breath, wiped a hand over his eyes. “Always laughing. Always in good spirits. But I need to see how far gone he is. I need to see how much hope we have of saving him.”
“Either way, we should still try,” Sesi told him. “Hasn’t he earned that much?”
“This isn’t your problem, Sesi.”
“Maybe it is. Maybe I’m making it my problem.”
Jaye looked over to Dixon, who seemed to be running it over and over in his mind. He waited for the decision.
“Okay. I’ll think about it,” Dixon said, sounding like it was the last thing he wanted to do.
Sitting forward, taking his hand, Jaye gave it a squeeze and said, “Thank you.”
That night, Dixon looked purely miserable. He was a thousand miles away, off in his head in bad places. He frowned constantly and kept going over to the chest of drawers by the window where he stowed his duty belt and holster. Standing there, he’d finger the pistol’s grip, staring off into space.
Jaye wondered who he wanted to shoot. Who he needed to get his hands on.
Dressed in jeans and a tight gray shirt, barefoot, his hair mussed, Jaye walked over to Dixon. His sleeves were tugged down over his hands. Taking a shy, uncertain stance, he played up his best helpless, innocent act as best he could, knowing it always made Dixon weak.
Softening his voice, letting it break and tumble over the words, draining the strength from them, he said in imitation of the uncertain young man he might once have been, “Sometimes I pretend I met you first, back in Anchorage, when I was seventeen. That you were my first real boyfriend, instead of Kris.”
He pushed his hands into his pockets, tugging them lower to flash the bare skin of his pelvis where the tribal tattoo sprawled out above his cock, letting his shirt ride up a little. He kept his head bowed, but gave Dixon a bashful, flirty glance.
Dixon sighed, his thumb running over the Glock’s grip, over and over again. He was trying to resist, to act like he wasn’t listening, wasn’t going to play along, but Jaye saw his gaze drift down to that little bare strip of skin, again and again. Temptation was a funny thing.
“Can you see it? So close to being legal. Horny as fuck. Wanting so bad to get fucked by a hot guy who just needs to get inside me. I’ll beg, you know. Actually love to beg. I’m good at it.”
It was all true. Jaye had done his fair share of both begging and lusting.
Dixon rolled his eyes, biting his tongue.
When Jaye hesitantly pulled his shirt over his head, Dixon looked. Of course he did.
His nipples stiffening, Jaye rubbed a hand over his chest and up around the back of his neck. He felt Dixon looking more steadily, so he kept going.
“I know I’m probably not your type, Mr. Rowe, but I swear I won’t tell if you want to fool around a little. No one has to know about it.”
He slowly unbuttoned his fly, inched down the zipper.
“I’ve dated a couple of guys. Some of them liked to jerk me off, or let me play with them. One liked to spank it while he sucked me, but none of them were ready to go… you know. Farther. But I am.”
He pushed the jeans down. He wasn’t wearing anything underneath. Jaye got them low enough for Dixon to catch a glimpse of the base of his cock, the short, dark curls of his pubic hair. He turned around so Dixon could see the crease of his ass, acting like he was nervous as hell.
“It’s okay if you wanna finger me, or… try to give me your cock. I know it’d hurt but I think I’d like it.”
“Jesus fucking Christ, Jaye,” Dixon breathed. “Why do you do this shit to me? Why do I always fall for it?”
Jaye took a step forward, bent over the table and let the jeans slip down farther, to show his whole ass. The energy coming off of Dixon was charged and dangerous. Letting his hands tremble a little, Jaye reached back and spread his cheeks.
“Just be gentle? Please?”
He wasn’t sure if Dixon would actually take the bait, and if he would, how, but Jaye was ready to take it as far as he needed to in order to get Dixon out of his head and back where he belonged.
The wooden floorboards creaked.
A warm touch caressed the underside of his ass. A fingertip brushed his knot, tickling.
The question was a short, abrupt growl. “You want it?”
“Yeah,” Jaye pleaded. “Just don’t hurt me.”
A dry finger entered him, pushing to the last knuckle. When a hard shiver ran up his back, stiffening his cock, that wasn’t an act at all.
“How’s that? You like that?”
“You should be more careful who you give this up to,” Dixon warned. Twisting the finger around inside Jaye’s ass. “Save it for someone special.” He pumped the dry finger in shallow pulses. “You like that?”
“Is it making you hard? Let’s see.”
The jeans were pulled down farther. A hand wrapped Jaye’s swelling cock. He kept spreading himself, panting against the tabletop.
Dixon’s finger twisted again, finding his gland and triggering it. Jaye made a startled noise and quivered. Dixon kept massaging the spot and Jaye’s cock dripped in response. Biting hard on his lower lip, Jaye convulsed a little with each rub, and he didn’t hold in his pleading, breaking cries.
“Does that hurt? If you want me to stop, you’re gonna have to ask nicely. Beg. Go ahead and try. Cause see, I think I like those sweet little whimpers too much to stop. And I like to feel you drip. You gettin’ wet for me? Gettin’ hard? Answer.”
The finger withdrew quickly. His pants were yanked to his ankles. He stepped out of them, shifting his legs wider.
“Get on the bed. Now.”
Jaye kept his head bowed, his breathing quickened. Nude, he climbed up and lay down on his stomach. Dixon was in a white undershirt and dark pants. He stood at the foot of the bed.
Jaye drew his legs back, holding them by the ankles as directed. The pose spread him wide, showing off his rigid, soaking wet dick, his balls drawn up and swollen.
Dixon grabbed the lube, working it over his hands as he stared at Jaye’s exposed body, his eyes dark as storms gathered behind them.
“Do you l-like my body?”
“Yeah,” Dixon said heatedly. “I do. And I like that I make you hard.”
He grabbed Jaye and drew him down the bed, so his ass was right on the edge. Then he twisted three lubed fingers through Jaye’s rim, drawing a very real moan. He clenched on them, his head thrown back, his cock twitching.
“Yeah, you can take it, huh?”
A glance showed Dixon staring down at Jaye’s hole taking the fingers, stretched wide around them, his rim shining with the lube, and pink.
The fingers pumped deeply, and Jaye started to rock against them, riding them. Dixon palmed Jaye’s cheek with his left hand, guiding his movements as he took him deeper, rubbing hard from within to stretch him from the inside. Jaye cried out, panting.
“Please don’t tell anyone, Mr. Rowe. I don’t wanna get in trouble.”
Dixon breathed out a laugh, incredulous. Then he mastered it, giving Jaye a dark look.
“Okay, this is our secret. Get comfortable now. I wanna take my time. Watch you take my hand a while. That hurts a little, huh?”
“But your cock’s still stiff. That’s good. You like it a little rough?”
“Yes, Mr. Rowe.”
The squelch of Dixon’s fingers continued with each slow, deep push. He withdrew them completely, rubbed over the pink of his rim as it closed back up. He got a squirt of extra lube, then pushed all four fingers through.
Jaye gasped, shaking, spine arched and mouth fallen open. His whimper was genuine.
Dixon squeezed Jaye’s ass, gave it a hard slap, watching the fingers get swallowed by his hole. Leaving them buried, he wrapped his free hand around Jaye’s dick and tugged.
“Good boy,” Dixon grinned. “Just stay nice and still for me. I just want you to feel that.”
Jaye was panting again. Dixon’s four fingers moved shallowly, the stretch from them so intense, Jaye had trouble thinking around it. Dixon’s left hand steadily pumped Jaye’s dick, squeezing from root to tip. It took enormous effort to not move, to not ride the tugging to completion. The struggle left him trembling constantly.
When he got close to orgasm, he whined and shuddered.
“Good. You gonna come? Lemme see. I wanna watch you shoot.”
Dixon wrung him out, squeezing tight with complete tugs and Jaye came. Semen arced from his slit. Drops landed all the way up his stomach and chest. Dixon leaned down and, humming with hunger, took Jaye down his throat all the way to the base. He swallowed and Jaye cried out, moving finally as he rode Dixon’s lips in small pushes.
“Fuck,” he panted, rasping. “Oh fuck.”
Dixon pulled off with a slurp, not missing a beat as he climbed higher, yanked his pants open and replaced his hand with his cock. It sank in easily, without pain or resistance. Wrapping Jaye in a tight embrace, he rolled them so Jaye was on top and Jaye went for it, humping Dixon with little bounces.
“Fucking crazy, beautiful, irresistible pain in my ass,” Dixon moaned, rubbing a come-soaked thumb over Jaye’s lower lip. Jaye licked it, then sucked it clean. Dixon palmed the back of his head and drew him in hard for a passionate kiss, licking the salty taste of Jaye’s spend from his tongue.
Frowning, Jaye rode him faster, bouncing with sharp slaps onto Dixon’s cock. The thrusts were wet and welcome, and Jaye’s cock tried to stiffen again from loving it so much.
“Mine,” Jaye growled, weaving his fingers through Dixon’s and pinning his hands down above his head. Dixon’s gaze was slipping everywhere, seeing everything. He started to whimper too and shuddered as he came.
Once Dixon was through the aftershocks and his cock slipped, softened, from Jaye’s ass, Jaye lunged sideways to the nightstand. He opened the drawer and pulled out a large dildo.
“Here. Fuck me ‘til I come again,” Jaye demanded, slapping it against Dixon’s chest.
Dixon laughed. “Yes, sir. That might take a while.”
Jaye shifted over, ass up and ready. He flashed a look full of triumph and pure, lustful need and said, “I got plenty of time.”
“Where’d that innocent virgin go?”
“I’ll always be your innocent virgin, Dix. Over and over and over again.”
Dixon moved up behind Jaye, feeding his ass the dildo. Jaye felt delicious anguish move through his expression as he was stuffed full once more and the steady, slow ride began again.
“So, I’m your first?” Dixon asked, kissing him from over his shoulder, chasing his heavy exhales and small cries.
“First, last, and only.”
“Likewise,” Dixon smiled.
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